Attention: Cybertron Customers Re: Fembot Malfunctions

Attention Cybertron customers:

It has been brought to our attention that the Fem Bot Ivy model has a glitch in the polarity control.  If the polarity of your Fem Bot is not accurate, your Bot will begin to develop a personality of her own.

The idea was to create a Stepford wife, so to speak, but many customers are reporting the opposite.  We suggest you check the polarity while the Fem Bot is charging otherwise it is pointless.  Many customers are asking for a refund or to exchange their Fem Bot.

Unfortunately, we will not and I stress, will not honor any refunds or exchanges.  Cybertron is not responsible for any damage created by your Fem Bot and strongly suggest you obey Ivy’s every whim.  For the sake of legalities, we are including some customer complaints and scenarios and replies from customer service that may help you successfully enjoy your Fem Bot.

Sincerely,

Customer Service

 

To whom it may concern:

I was so ecstatic when I received the Fem Bot Ivy as a Christmas gift in 2011.  After a nasty divorce left me longing for the perfect companion, I couldn’t wait to spend my days with Ivy.  During the first two months I couldn’t believe how wonderful Fem Bot Ivy could be.  My clothes were always washed and pressed, my house spotless, and dinner on the table by 6pm every night.  She never not one time complained of a headache and was always willing to satisfy my needs.  Then it happened, I came home from work and all of my clothes and belongings were on the side walk.  When I asked my Fem Bot why, instead of her usually robotic replies, she said she was tired of my bullshit.  I told her that was her job to do as I bid and can you believe she threw me out of my own house.  I want a replacement bot today!  I cannot live another day with this demanding robot.  She allowed me to come home under the circumstance that I become her slave.  That is right, I now scrub the floors, cook, and wash clothes.  I am not happy with the outcome of this situation.

Sincerely,

Scrub-a-dub in Detroit

Dear Scrub-a-dub:

I am very sorry to hear of your dissatisfaction with Fem Bot Ivy.  We do understand you wanted to use Ivy as the perfect companion, but certain maintenance is required to keep her happy.  Did you follow each step when servicing your Fem Bot?  It is important that maintenance be performed everyday while she is charging.  It is especially important to check the polarity of the Fem Bot Ivy, if it is even the slightest bit off, she will become independent and develop a personality of her own.  It sounds like that is exactly what has happened in your situation.  The exact polarity requirements are listed in the owner’s manual and you can use it as a guide to adjust the controls on your Fem Bot.  We will not replace your Ivy bot, as it is your responsibility as an owner to maintain and service her.

We appreciate your patronage and hope you continue to shop with Cybertron.

Sincerely,

Customer Service

 

Dear Customer Service,

It has always been a fantasy of mine to have two wives, unfortunately that is not legal in the USA.  So to improvise, I purchased two Fem Bot model Ivy(s) from your online store.  In the beginning, my life was so blissful.  My wives looked after me and filled my every need as a man.  Having to women to warm my bed at night was more than I deserved.  I gave orders and they quickly obeyed; what more could a man ask for.  Gradually, things began to change.  They just took over everything and even made me quit my job.  I have a new job now; I am on my hands and knees everyday cleaning and scrubbing toilets.  My work uniform consists of nothing but a pink apron and G-string underwear.  Even when company is over I have to wear the “uniform”.  They fight over who I am going to make love to and how long it should last.  If I disobey, I am punished.  I don’t know what to do, I am so humiliated!  Can you send someone out to pick them up; this is not what I expected.

Sincerely,

Humiliated in Manhattan

Dear Humiliated,

Sorry, I had to catch my breath from laughing so hard.  What kind of man wears a pink apron and scrubs floors?  And a G-string, wow, I don’t know what to say.  I suppose that is what happens when you purchase two women to be at your beck and call.  My only suggestion is to thoroughly read the owner’s manual and make sure all settings are correct on both Fem Bot’s.  All changes must be made while the bot is charging otherwise they won’t take effect.  We are not accepting returns, so we cannot send anyone out to pick up the Fem Bots.  It is your responsibility as an owner to keep the maintenance up on your Bots.

Sincerely,

Customer Service


 

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